My childhood crushes

When I was little, about 5 years old, I had a crush on this guy:

Verb (Schoolhouse Rock)

Yeah, it's stupid looking back, but this guy was my VERY FIRST crush and I didn't really know any better. My mom caught onto this, and she purchased the Grammar Rock VHS and computer game so I could be entertained by Verb while simultaneously learning the parts of speech. And it worked. So say what you will, but my crush on Verb led me to write like an 8th grader in 4th grade. From an adult viewpoint, Verb kinda looks like the original comic version of the Falcon. And his "voice" in the Grammar Rock computer game is AWFUL. It's not even a black guy voicing him!

I abandoned Verb a year later, only in 2002 to become infatuated with...

Swayzak (Toonami)

To this day, I still do not know why I had a crush on Swayzak. I guess it was because I found evil mystifying, and I did think his design as well as the fact he invaded thousands of systems for fun were cool. Maybe it was due to his voice? In the online game tie-in, he had a New Zealander accent... I also liked his laugh. A lot. 

This crush would last until the game got taken off Cartoon Network's site, which was in 2004. I felt so sad when that happened, but I got over it and moved onto other characters.

During the time I had a crush on Swayzak, I also had a crush on...

Black Vulcan (Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law)

Oh, boy. Black Vulcan. The only episodes I ever saw of Harvey Birdman in my youth just so happened to feature Black Vulcan. I actually had a REASON for this crush: his heavenly voice provided by the incredibly talented Phil LaMarr. From the first time I heard him say "Pure electricity... in my pants," I fell in love. I even wrote stories about getting in his pants (of course I didn't know how sex worked.) Even finding out he had a girlfriend didn't stop me from pining after him; I actually thought his girlfriend shouldn't have dumped him (even if they do get back together by the end of the episode) because of his sexy voice. How wrong was I...
I also unashamedly admit that this crush went on into my early teens and I finally grew out of it whenever reruns ceased.

In September 2004, I'd develop a crush on...

Cyborg (Teen Titans)

I actually didn't develop a crush on him when the show started. It was rather during Season 3's run, when I first saw the episode "Crash." When Cyborg got all comically serious ("It's my room. What're YOU doin' here?") I got all hot and sweaty. I found the rest of the episode (with Cyborg going crazy) funny, but eventually, I only liked the episode for that beginning. The episode "Overdrive" made it worse, what with Cyborg becoming emotionless and having that monotone voice I strangely found hot. Cyborg became one of my biggest crushes and I actually started liking the other versions of the character (except for Smallville's, because he didn't have a red eye.) I currently think Ray Fisher's portrayal in the DCEU is as hot as hell.

Those were my main crushes. Now, here's a montage of all my other ones. See if you can name all of them.

Now that we've covered my MALE crushes, let's move onto my FEMALE crushes. Yes, I am bisexual, and I first discovered that through these fictional characters.

Sabrina (Sabrina, The Teenage Witch)

Every girl wanted to be like Sabrina back in the early 2000s - myself included. But what many don't know is that Sabrina was my first girl crush, with her pretty blonde hair and ability to make whatever she wanted happen. I had to be around 5. I didn't care she was in love with Harvey Kinkle, I just thought she was... magical.

Then, a year later, I got to know...

Poison Ivy (Batman & Robin)

Poison Ivy, played by the great Uma Thurman, was my introduction to sexy as a kid. Her skintight outfit and red hair was amazing, and the fact that her perfume could seduce anyone gave me fantasies about her wooing over whatever male character I liked. I know the movie sucked, but Poison Ivy was hot, and her image song by Meshell Ndegeocello is an equally sexy tune.

Around 10 years old, I got to see the Burton Batman movies for the first time, and I fell in love with...

Catwoman (Batman Returns)

Catwoman's BDSM-style getup and whip fascinated me a whole lot as a kid, and Michelle Pfeiffer's acting fueled the fire. I think she's what got me into bondage. The movie was awesome and way better than the Schumacher films I was accustomed to, and Catwoman was one of the many things about it I liked.

Of course, you can't have Poison Ivy and Catwoman without...

Harley Quinn (Batman: The Animated Series)

Harley was crazy in a good way, a cute psycho who would be honestly fun to hang around with if she didn't try to kill me. I always loved how her "ears" drooped whenever she was sad, it only added to her adorableness factor. And I also loved her Brooklyn accent.

I loved the heroines too, for example...

Wonder Woman (Super Friends)

Wonder Woman was another factor responsible for my bondage fetish, because of her "magic lasso" that could tie anyone up and force them to tell the truth. I always imagined her tying up Black Vulcan or Aquaman to make them confess. I also loved her skimpy outfit and thought she was pretty.

Also when I used to watch Boomerang, I had a crush on...

Gravity Girl (The Galaxy Trio)

Her voice was honey to my ears. Seriously, I loved that voice. I also admired her long, red hair and purple bodysuit. I always thought it'd be fun to hang around with her because she could manipulate gravity, thus making me float.

Here's another live-action crush I had...

Max Guevara (Dark Angel)

She kicked ass and looked hot all at the same time. I always wanted to be like her, watching Dark Angel on Fox when I was 6. Jessica Alba was a great choice for the role.

And finally, to close out this list, we have...

Erin Esurance

I never got to see her often as I hated commercials by the time her ads were on, but when I did, I enjoyed her adventures. She was a hot girl and a badass spy all at the same time. Did you know that one of the reasons Esurance got rid of her is because people were making porn of her? I still love her though, despite all the porn.

That's my list, and I hope you enjoyed my retrospective. See you soon!